Tuesday, March 2, 2010

SOME DAYS I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY


Some days I feel as if I am spinning my wheels and getting no where.
These endless doctors appointments and tests to find out what is wrong with Alan other than his lymphoma and leukemia are getting to him and being his wife I get the brunt of it. I try so hard to be understanding of his situation and the frustration he is feeling but I am feeling it too. Who does he take it out on? ME!

For over a year now he has had a cough, first it was violent and productive and he has seen doctor after doctor and has had Xray after Xray and sputum culture after sputum culture and has been on different antibiotics 30 days at a time three times now.

His first doctor completely misdiagnosed his lymphoma and leukemia and put him on an inhaler that caused a scary side effect that landed him in the ER. We immediately got rid of that quack. The new doctor did an Xray that showed pneumonia so he was treated for that and 2 months later the cough came back so the next Xray showed a bacterial infection in the lung so he was treated for that and 2 weeks later the cough was back.

Finally his oncologist this week told us that he does have yet another strain of staph infection in his lungs and she has put him on a strong antibiotic for 7 days and if this doesn't work she said he may have to have an antibiotic through an IV. She has scheduled him to see an ENT thinking it may have something to do with his sinuses. I am going to come unglued if all of this is due to a sinus infection!

The insurance companies have paid for thousands of dollars in Cat Scans and MRI's and Xrays and cultures and doctors visits when it could have been caught right away if he would have had a doctor that was on top of things. The recent Xray and sputum culture shows a staph infection in his lung. What is causing all of this. The clincher is that the oncologist said she saw a spot on his lung that was a concern to her but she THOUGHT it was not active. What!!? So what it is this spot? Come on! How does she know it is not active and what the heck is it?

I could go on and on but it won't do any good. I guess I just need to vent.

I am losing my faith in all doctors. I know there are some wonderful caring doctors out there but they are not here in Coos Bay!

So I am feeling sorry for myself today and I want to run away.

Hugs wanted....thanks for listening

8 comments:

Mica said...

Oh man... I hope it is not bad... Mama I will be the first inline to give you the biggest hug eva!!!! Go check out my post for a good laugh!! You need to laugh!!! I love you, Mica

P.SI am also praying for Papa Rooster and you that God will reveal and heal!

slommler said...

I am praying right now Patti for healing! And for wisdom for the doctors. Sheesh!! No wonder you are frustrated. I am so sorry that he is taking his frustration out on you. But I guess you are the closest target. I will pray for that too. And I definitely don't blame you for wanting to run away...I would too!! You are being so brave!
Sweetie! I send you hugs and prayers!
SueAnn

Mollye said...

Oh Patti I am so feeling your frustration. I lost a husband ten years ago and he was sick for four years but we knew from the get go what was wrong with him, but my point is that the spouse is the one who indeed bears the brunt of their frustration and fears. There are so many things I could say to you but I know from experience that rarely do those well intentioned comments change things for the one going through them. You are right. You need people who you can vent with and we are here for you. And though most of us do not live within a distance of being able to physically help you or be there for you we send you our prayers, love, shoulders to cry on and huge hugs. Some day you will hear "Well done my child".

luv ya Patti. Mollye

Vickie said...

Always hugs!!! and prayers!

Beth Niquette said...

Oh, dear, Patti. I'm sm so sorry. I remember when my own Alan was running a fever of 104, and passed out on the floor. Some quack doctor from Keizer told me over the phone that he had a cold.

I rushed him into emergency where they immediately diagnosed pneumonia.

((hugs)) I will be praying for your Alan's swift recover. God bless you both! I am sending up a prayer right now, this minute.

Lydia said...

Patti, I know your frustration down to my bones.

Please get him the Protocel. You will see amazing things. Protocel and prayer go well together. Just can't take any powerful anti-oxidants with it, as it itself is a powerful one, and they may conflict. But you can take it with meds.

xo Lydia

Salzanos said...

I am the "Vent" catcher for you here in coos bay,
I catch that vent, and wrap it up,
Then I put it in my prayers and send them high.
They fly so fast to the One above who understands,
He understands so completely, and He takes that vent,
and puts it in his heart. For He knows your pain, and will be with you, His shoulders are wide, and He can bear it.
Here for you, my dear friend, any time.
hugs

Kymberly Decker said...

God Bless you! I will be praying for you and your husband! We all have our moments--trust me--I had a staph infection in my lungs that went undiagnosed for almost two months before I was finally given the right antibiotic--ended up in the hospital--lungs are damaged now--I suffer from bronchitus every two months--it is so hard to trust anyone in medical practice these days! BUT--you have the "Great Physician" on your side--no one can heal the pain and take away the suffering as He can! He is our great deliverer and our solid rock! May you be filled with strength and remember His promises! It is hard--hang in there! With God--nothing is impossible!
God Bless You